When asking someone how they are, my pet hate is a response of 'flat out' or 'busy'.

Most of us have a great deal to do. We live in a world where we are all busy. Every. Single. Day. 

We keep ourselves ‘busy’ and occupied with work and life, and many seem to now use that one-word response of ‘busy’ as a barometer of personal brand, success and impact. By being busy and achieving busy, we feel we are proving ourselves and can assimilate with others who we’re certain are also experiencing the same level of busyness. It could be said that being busy makes us feel heard, connected and accepted. Part of the ‘busy tribe’.

Then we add a layer of complexity.

Now we are navigating the myriad of competing demands and general complexity of work, life, family and community, alongside an intrinsic need to not be left out or say no to things. The high achiever in us always wants to do well, but we also fear time – we’re busy. Opportunity cost of time away from our families and building meaningful connection where it counts.

A very wise teacher of mine once said ‘manage priorities, not time’. Time is a constant and as adults we are very aware of the hours in the day and how we are best to navigate to ‘get things done’, however our ability to juggle the entanglement of these priorities in a way that builds genuine connection with people, is lost. We have become far more transactional in the way we interact and connect, in traversing through our ‘busy’ lives.

I would argue that our ability and awareness as human beings and leaders, to create deliberate time to build connection, mutual relationships, seek to understand and be genuinely curious about those outside ourselves, is indeed a silver bullet. Introducing: relational intelligence.

Relational intelligence, sometimes referred to as RQ (built from a foundation of Emotional Intelligence EQ), is our ability to understand and manage interpersonal dynamics, build trust, and connect with others effectively. Those who use their RQ recognise and value individual differences, values, needs, styles, and interests, and embrace these to build a genuine sense of connection.

Noting that barometer of ours suggests we are always busy, how do we overcome our default position of transacting, and rather ensure we are present, put others needs before ours, let others speak first, seek to understand others’ views, and so the list goes on…

So how do we unlock our RQ? 

Through intentional and present leadership.

• It's communicating with purpose and curiosity.
• It's making a deliberate focus to deepen relationships.
• It's supporting others to be the best they can be.
• And it's working together to achieve as a collective.

Relational intelligence isn’t new. It’s just something that I believe has been unintentionally put in the corner. By giving ourselves the permission to wake up our RQ, that might just allow us opportunities to interact with others more authentically, cut through the ‘busy’ noise and have greater impact as leaders and human beings.

Here at Davidson we value values!

One of our values is Pursuit of Happiness. Happiness many of us get from suppressing the busy and building meaningful connections.

I encourage you to be that 1% more present and connected in your world today and every day. Imagine what could be possible, in a world that was a little less ‘flat out’ and a little more related.

And next time you ask someone how they are, listen with intent for their response…

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